If feeling helpless makes us cry, what makes us angry?

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Permalink Reply by john yang on August 10, 2007 at 8:00pm

Hmm thats an interesting topic. What made you come up with that? I get angry sometimes when things dont go my way and i expected them too.

Then again there is always that jungle law primal rage instinct that everyone has ...

Look at ned flanders. one day, he just snapped and went crazy angry.. he just hit his limit...

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Permalink Reply by Zadi on August 10, 2007 at 8:13pm

I would say that feeling like you're not being listened to makes you angry... feeling like you're not understood, or not being paid attention to... feeling like your thoughts or feelings are irrelevant, or not valued.

Being cut off in traffic, or screamed at, or gossiped about, or hit, or slighted, or shamed, or put in an uncomfortable situation -- they all seem like instances of not being valued as a person.

Just my 2 cents... I'm curious as to what others think...

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Permalink Reply by Paul Dateh on August 10, 2007 at 10:01pm

Hi Zadi!

What you said just made me think of something.

All the things you listed are real bummers that i could see myself getting very frustrated over, if not furious. But, I'm realizing that (at least for me) I feel a sense of being let down before I get angry.

So, maybe the trigger for anger is feeling disappointed. What do you all think?

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on August 10, 2007 at 8:28pm

I think being powerless to act on the truth when you see it so clearly, I think watching people with freedom and power, ignore how they make self-centered, selfish, decisions when easily they could contribute something positive and they just don't. Later, they come to you for help battle their guilt and you help them becuase you are vulnerable and hope that they make a different choice next time. But they never do...... Yeah that's anger.

But it's still helpless so maybe anger comes before crying .....maybe crying is getting the anger you shoved down out?

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Permalink Reply by Zadi on August 10, 2007 at 8:40pm

Yeah. Anger comes before crying. :)

And I think denial comes before anger. And acceptance after it all.

It's kinda like the seven stages of grief:

1. Shock or Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Guilt
5. Anger
6. Depression
7. Acceptance and Hope

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Permalink Reply by Robert Garese on August 10, 2007 at 8:56pm

I don't know whether anger comes before crying or it is a substitute for it, though admittedly being a male, crying isn't the most common thing for me.

For me anger comes from knowing something beyond my control happened that ideally shouldn't have. Being raised on movies and stories etc, I just have the view of how things SHOULD happen, but, of course, never do.

6X8=42 FTW?

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Permalink Reply by Spicychicken on August 10, 2007 at 8:59pm

this should clear everything up

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on August 10, 2007 at 10:32pm

Nailed it! That is funny!

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Permalink Reply by B Mel on August 12, 2007 at 10:36am

You touched on a good point with your examples here. I have to go through a lot of training here at my job (which is with a large corporation) and for the most part our training can be mind-numbing. But they presented one diagram when talking about people's emotional responses. They had a an iceberg diagram and in it anger was just 'the tip'. More often than not Anger is just the surface emotion that you see, almost like a mask for what the person is really feeling. As Zadi said, 'shock or disbelief', 'denial', betrayal, frustration, etc.

Anger is a mask!

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on August 10, 2007 at 10:29pm

Paul, I think if you use Zadi's comment on disappointment could be listed under the shock or disbelief. I think disappointment is the disbelief that our expectations ( usually, not even the highest expectations) are let down by ones we considered least likely to let us down. Or by those we've been there fore and expect equal energy in return. Staying with thought..... crying would be at 5 and 1/2. Depression would come if you didn't "get your cry out" As they say depression is anger turned inwards.

I have been the most angry at myself so that kind comes from self disapointment.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on August 10, 2007 at 10:35pm

PS Paul, Did someone make you mad and make you cry? Cause I can kick some ass, just sayin! : )

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Permalink Reply by Paul Dateh on August 10, 2007 at 10:50pm

@john_yang & @Jennifer

Haha, no. I didn't post this because someone made me angry or cry.

When I was riding the bus this morning, a little girl sitting in front of me was crying because her mom wouldn't give her a piece of candy. It made me remember what my professor had said about feeling helpless, so I've just been thinking it about it all day.

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